Mon September 30, 2013
Sandwich Monday: McDonald's Mighty Wings
Originally published on Mon September 30, 2013 4:10 pm
Chicken wing restaurants continue to pop up everywhere in this country — there are Wingstop, Buffalo Wild Wings, Aaron Sorkin's West Wings. Now, McDonald's is getting in on the act with Mighty Wings. They're available in three-piece, five-piece, and Who-Am-I-Kidding-I've-Got-Nothing-Left-To-Prove-piece.
Peter: I was as surprised to find an actual bone in this as I would be to find a bone in a banana.
Eva: How McDonald's got the bones in the nugget is the modern version of the classic ship in a bottle mystery.
Ian: Yeah, Mighty Wings are basically McNuggets With Choking Hazards.
Miles: The new advertising calls them "bold," and it's not kidding. One of these wings just asked my girlfriend out.
Ian: When you die at a state fair, this is what your wings look like when you get to heaven.
Eva: I just don't want to know what horrible workplace accident led to this. "Let's just call it a wing and sell it!"
Peter: It was genuinely a surprise to see that McDonald's food comes from actual animals. I thought all this time it was made from the people still sitting there when they close.
Robert: This is what happens when a first-year student at Hogwarts spills Skele-Gro on his owl nuggets.
Miles: It's strange that, in all of the pictures of that pink slime, we never noticed it had wings.
Miles: So, if the Hamburgers have the Hamburglar, what do Mighty Wings have? The Bone Collector?
Robert: The only animal I ever heard called mighty was Mighty Mouse. Come to think of it, that might have been a more palatable menu option.
Ian: The Mighty Shamrock Shake has leprechaun bones in it. So tiny!
Eva: If you get the wishbone, you can wish to go back in time before you ordered this.
Peter: I'm a little worried about the bin that says "PLACE BONES HERE FOR RECYCLING."
[The verdict: Unsettlingly delicious! If you like a McNugget, you'll like this, but don't swallow them whole the way you do with a McNugget.]
Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me.