Quiz-mas Spirits

Dec 22, 2017
Originally published on December 22, 2017 1:32 pm

In this last-ditch effort to soften the soul of Puzzle Guru Ebenezer Scrooge, every answer contains the name of a cocktail, spirit, or other alcoholic beverage.

Heard On Anthony Ramos: A Quiz-mas Carol

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It's time to crown our big winner. Let's bring back our finalists, Emma Griffin, who threw a confusing Advent calendar-themed Christmas party, and Dylan Sorensen, who can't remember what room he puts his Christmas tree in.


EISENBERG: Puzzle guru Ebenezer Scrooge, take it away.

WILL HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Emma and Dylan, your final round is called Quiz-mas Spirits. So every answer contains the name of a cocktail, spirit or alcoholic beverage. For example, if I said the title character in "Doctor Who" carries this multipurpose tool. You'd answer sonic screwdriver, screwdriver being a drink. And our big winner will receive an ASK ME ANOTHER Rubik's Cube signed by Anthony Ramos. We spun a dreidel backstage because we're cool, and Dylan got gimel, so he's going first.


HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Here we go. Dylan, this Grammy-winning performer starred in her own sitcom "Moesha" in the '90s.


HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Yes, that's right.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Emma, children jump on one leg into numbered squares in this playground game.

EMMA GRIFFIN: Hopscotch.

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Yes.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Dylan, the character Holden Caulfield appeared in a short Christmas story published in The New Yorker five years before J.D. Salinger made him the protagonist of this novel

SORENSEN: "Catcher In The Rye."

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Yep.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Emma, this magazine was founded in 1886 as a family journal but was revamped about 80 years later to reflect its new motto - fun fearless female. It's a magazine.

GRIFFIN: Cosmopolitan.

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) That's right.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Dylan, this company's tagline is a diamond is forever. Three seconds. No, I'm sorry. The answer was De Beers.

Emma, Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson and Emma Stone fight the undead in this 2009 movie.

GRIFFIN: "World War Z."

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Also fun but not right. The answer was "Zombieland," zombie being a drink.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Dylan, the Bulwer-Lytton contest for worst-possible novel opener honors the author who coined this seven-word phrase.

SORENSEN: It was a dark and stormy night - wham.

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Yes, dark and stormy being the drink.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Emma, regarding this 1995 Oasis hit, Liam Gallagher told his brother Noel, just because you wrote it doesn't mean you should always sing it.

SORENSEN: "Wonderwall."

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Probably a better song but not the one we're looking for. The answer is "Champagne Supernova."

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) So we are at the halfway point. Dylan is in the lead 3-2.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Dylan, this British author wrote "To The Lighthouse," "Mrs Dolloway" and a biography of Elizabeth Barrett Browning's dog, "Flush." Three seconds.


HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Virginia Woolf.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Emma, this American anthropologist published her first book, "Coming Of Age In Samoa," in 1928.

GRIFFIN: Margaret Mead.

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Yes.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Dylan, this atomic research program was first allotted a budget of $6,000 in February, 1940.

SORENSEN: The Manhattan Project.

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Yes.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Emma, Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen star in this IFC comedy series about Pacific Northwest culture.

GRIFFIN: The one about Portland - "Portlandia."


HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Yes, "Portlandia," that's right.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Dylan, this German fashion designer created looks for Chanel, Fendi, H&M and the Coca-Cola Light bottle.

SORENSEN: Fashion designer.

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Three seconds.

SORENSEN: Schnapps.


HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Fun but wrong. Karl Lagerfeld.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Emma, the restaurant Galatoire's can be found on this New Orleans thoroughfare named for French royalty.

GRIFFIN: Bourbon Street.

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Yes. The score's 5-4. You each have one question left. Dylan, to stay in the game, you must answer this question correctly and Emma has to miss her question.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) All right. Dylan, this guitar manufacturer, which famously makes Les Paul guitars, also created B.B. King's Lucille model.


HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) That's right. The score is tied. This is the last question.

(As Ebenezer Scrooge) Emma, if you answer this question correctly, you win. This University of Miami football team plays in Hard Rock Stadium and has nabbed five national championships.

GRIFFIN: The Hurricanes.

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) That's right.


HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Emma is our big winner.

EISENBERG: Congratulations, Emma. And that's our show. ASK ME ANOTHER's...

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Oh, sorry. Ophira, one second. Scrooge here. Something's coming over me. Even though the ghosts had no personal interaction with me, I feel - I'm feeling the Quiz-mas spirit.


HINES: You there. You there, boy.

JONATHAN COULTON: You're talking to me?

HINES: Yes, boy, Jonathan Coulton.

COULTON: I'm 47 years old.

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) That's right. I'm like 150 or something. Listen. Do you know that ironic '80s nostalgia store around the corner here, the one with the giant Rubik's Cube hanging in the window?

COULTON: The one as big as me?

HINES: (As Ebenezer Scrooge) Yes, the one as big as you. Now take the shilling here, or if it's more I'll just Venmo you later, run over there and get all the Rubik's Cubes you can because I declare all of our contestants winners. Rubik's Cubes for everyone.


EISENBERG: Oh, everybody gets a trophy.

COULTON: (Singing) Should old acquaintances be forgot and never brought to mind? Should old acquaintances be forgot and days of lang syne.


EISENBERG: That's our show. Puzzle guru Ebenezer Scrooge was played by Will Hines.

HINES: Hey, my name anagrams to Hell I Wins.

EISENBERG: Our house musician is Jonathan Coulton.

HINES: Thou Jolt A Cannon.

EISENBERG: Our puzzles were written by Eric Feinstein, Mark Halpin, Mary Tobler and senior writer Karen Lurie. ASK ME ANOTHER is produced by Mike Katzif, Travis Larchuk, Julia Melfi, Denny Shin, Rommel Wood and our intern, Madeline Kaplan, along with Steve Nelson and Anya Grundmann. We were recorded by Damon Whittemore, David Hurtgen and Frank Bianco (ph). We'd like to thank our home in Brooklyn, N.Y., at The Bell House.

HINES: Hot heel blues.


EISENBERG: And our production partner - WNYC. I'm Her Ripe Begonias.

HINES: Ophira Eisenberg.


(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.