Mall And Oates

Jun 16, 2017

Say it isn't so...we rewrote hit Hall and Oates songs to be about stores in the mall. We understand if you can't go for that.

Heard on Annabelle Gurwitch: 'Don't Treat Me Like Family'

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JONATHAN COULTON: This is NPR's ASK ME ANOTHER. I'm Jonathan Coulton here with puzzle guru Art Chung. Now here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.

(APPLAUSE)

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Thank you, Jonathan. Before the break we met our contestants, Emily and Tina. Soon they'll play a musical game where rock 'n' roll meets retail. But first let's check in. Emily, your actual job title is influencer-campaign manager.

EMILY MANNIX: Correct.

EISENBERG: Give me one of your favorite campaigns.

MANNIX: I worked with Instagram-famous dogs for - on a Volvo campaign. And I got to give people a Volvo for a weekend and have them take pictures of their dogs with the car.

EISENBERG: And you were very happy with the results?

MANNIX: Oh, I mean, it's kind of the best email you get. You're like, oh, let me look at some content of puppies. Cool.

EISENBERG: Your opponent Tina also works, you know, influencing culture. You are, you know, producing Martha Stewart's videos. So I guess you learn a lot of...

TINA WEBER: I learned...

EISENBERG: Decorating tips, DIY stuff. All right, what's one good one that you've maybe applied to your life?

WEBER: Oh, man, I learned that if you're going to have an area rug it's either furniture all on the rug feetwise or not on the rug at all. It's not in between. That is just passe. That's not good.

EISENBERG: Wow. Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Well...

WEBER: It's very essential information.

EISENBERG: That's good to know. I have to hire some movers.

WEBER: Yeah.

EISENBERG: OK. I feel like my couch might be half on, half off because I wanted to make the rugs...

COULTON: Yes, just running through all my rugs and furniture, and I feel I made some mistakes.

WEBER: I feel like that's something Refinery29 might recommend, you know?

ART CHUNG: Oh.

WEBER: They're, like, more new age and, like, more edgy. And like, we're very more classic, like...

MANNIX: OK.

WEBER: We're just a little more old school.

EISENBERG: I have lost track of what exactly is going on, so let's go to your next game. It's the best mall musical since "Phantom Of The Dress Barn" (laughter).

COULTON: I apologize in advance. We rewrote songs by Hall & Oates to be about stores at the mall. Just buzz in to identify the store that I'm singing about. And if you're correct you can earn a bonus point by naming the original song.

EISENBERG: OK, Tina, you won the last game, so you win this and you're in the final round. Emily, you need to win this or we'll make you forget where you parked your car so you have to walk around until everyone else leaves. All right, here we go.

COULTON: (Singing) Everybody's high on cinnamon sugar. Everybody's trying to tell me get that twisted bread, yeah. She's not my uncle, but she's got nuggets and a dipping sauce - make it cheese. I said...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Emily.

MANNIX: Auntie Anne's, the pretzels.

COULTON: Auntie Anne's, the pretzels. That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Do you know the song for an additional bonus point?

MANNIX: God, I was totally not listening (laughter).

COULTON: Yeah. That was "She's Gone."

(Singing) There's not much here made of clay, don't hear no horsey neigh. Need a new couch, but I don't have the clout. Break it, you buy it. Ooh, I'd pick up this vase but they'd probably kick me out.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Tina.

WEBER: Is it West Elm?

COULTON: That is a pretty good guess, but that's incorrect. Emily, do you want to take a guess?

MANNIX: Pottery Barn?

COULTON: It is Pottery Barn. You're right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: And do you know the song?

MANNIX: (Singing) Oh, there she goes, watch out, boy, she'll...

EISENBERG: Yeah. Yeah.

MANNIX: "Maneater"?

EISENBERG: Yeah.

COULTON: "Maneater," you got it.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Here's another one.

(Singing) When I am keen to dress like a teen toward here I lean, if I want a sex toy that's Spencer's scene. But for my pop culture eye, I will shop here. Why? Because I need a new Ramones T-shirt, because I need a tight, cut-off mini skirt. But is this really rebel stuff if it's found at the mall?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Tina.

WEBER: Hot Topic.

COULTON: Hot Topic. You got it.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: And do you know the name of this song?

WEBER: "Your Kiss Is On My Lips" (ph)? Nope.

CHUNG: That would make sense.

EISENBERG: Yeah, that's where most people would put a kiss.

COULTON: Yes.

WEBER: I hope.

(LAUGHTER)

CHUNG: "Your Kiss Is On My List" is the name of the...

WEBER: Oh, please.

CHUNG: "Kiss On My List."

EISENBERG: Yeah. I know. I know.

(LAUGHTER)

WEBER: No one knows that.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

COULTON: Yeah, come on, Art, nobody knows that.

(Singing) Well, it's bright out and I'm starting to squint, to this tiny mall shelter I will go. I need my Ray-Bans when it gets sunny. Why are these Ray-Bans so much money?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Tina.

WEBER: Sunglass Hut.

COULTON: Sunglass Hut. That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

WEBER: I know this song.

COULTON: Yeah? What's this song?

WEBER: It's "Poor Boy." Just kidding, it's "Rich Girl."

COULTON: "Rich Girl." That's right.

EISENBERG: Would she shop at Sunglass Hut? No.

WEBER: I can't.

EISENBERG: She would shop at Sunglasses Hut because she would have gone to a good school and she would have understood grammar.

COULTON: That's right. That's right. Sunglass Hut is just like a monocle store. Is that what it is?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Just the one (laughter).

COULTON: Do they make, like, sunglass monocles, though?

EISENBERG: Oh, they are now. That's a great idea.

COULTON: The other eye - you can't see at all through your other eye?

EISENBERG: Oh, no, no, no. It's a little clip-on that you put on the monocle. Just a little clip-on shade.

COULTON: Oh, a little clip-on shade for your monocle.

EISENBERG: That's right.

COULTON: All right.

(Singing) If you want a watch, a mini helicopter, come on in, early adopter. Massage chairs are sold here. What we've got's the stock, the Sharper Image listed, but they've gone and we've persisted. So buy your gadgets here, oh, yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Tina.

WEBER: Brookstone.

COULTON: Brookstone. That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: And do you know the song?

WEBER: "You Make My Dreams Come True."

COULTON: Yes. Yes. That is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: This is your last clue.

(Singing) Well, I buy vitamins if they tell me so. Yeah, I buy bodybuilding stuff to make my muscles grow. A three-initial name, whoa, whoa, must be good. I'm here to reclaim, oh, oh, my manhood. A three-initial name, initial name, initial name, initial name.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Emily.

MANNIX: GNC. And "I Can't Go For That."

COULTON: Yeah. Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Right into the bonus points - displaying a lot of confidence there. I like it. Art Chung, how did our contestants do?

CHUNG: We have a tie. So here's your tiebreaker. Hands on your buzzers. Part of a national park, Independence Mall can be found in what city, which is also where Hall & Oates met?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHUNG: Emily.

MANNIX: Philadelphia.

CHUNG: That is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

CHUNG: That means we're tied one game apiece.

EISENBERG: Oh, that's right.

CHUNG: And we're going to a quick game three. I'll give you a category. And you'll go back and forth, naming things that fall into that category. The first contestant to mess up will be eliminated. Buzz in to answer first. Here's your category. At the end of 2001's "Ocean's Eleven," 10 actors, not including George Clooney, leave the Bellagio Fountain one by one. Name the actors.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHUNG: Emily, you're first.

MANNIX: Matt Damon.

CHUNG: That is correct. Tina?

WEBER: Julia Roberts.

CHUNG: No, I'm sorry. She's not one of the 10.

WEBER: OK. Well...

CHUNG: The other answers were Bernie Mac, Brad Pitt, Carl Reiner, Casey Affleck, Don Cheadle, Eddie Jemison, Elliott Gould, Scott Caan and Shaobo Qin. Tina, we're sorry to see you go. That means, Emily, congratulations. You're moving on to the final round.

(APPLAUSE, SOUNDBITE OF AMBER COFFMAN SONG, "DARK NIGHT") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.